The invitations are out in the universe, landing in mailboxes across the nation!  Crazy.  RSVP by November 22nd!  For reals, please.

More realer by the day!

Invitations are getting printed...centerpieces are designed...kippot are ordered!  This becomes more and more real by the day.  Trying to enjoy all of it for what it is, and seeing that Lucas is as involved as possible.  He's got some pretty nifty ideas in that head!

Check out the other pages in this blog for details on different things - if you're coming for a few days or just for one.  If you are planning on staying overnight, I recommend that you use the group discount available at the hotel where the event is.  It's $104 per night and breakfast is included.  The rooms are lovely, well appointed, and quite spacious.  Use the code: LBM.  The rate and room block is available until November 13th.

I'm so excited about the invitations.  A very talented young lady, who used to be my next door neighbor when she was just a little girl, did some custom illustrations for us that are just outstanding!  Can't wait for you to see them!

Wheeeeeee!

Save the Dates have landed!

So the Save The Dates have made it out there...which means its closer to really happening!  Met with the DJ this week, so music and entertainment is also taken care of.  He gave me homework! But fun homework, the kind Lucas is actually kinda into doing - so that's good. If you can't figure out the theme by this...well, you need to get out more.

Coming Together...

A place - got it.  Food - yup (still need work some thing out, but by G-d, there will be food).  Music - almost there.  The big three.  Just throw in some people and you've got a party! Right?

Moving Along...Sort Of...

We're getting closer to some resolutions.  Like where the event will be.  Who will be invited.  What we're going to eat.  You know, the basics.  Hopefully, we'll have some decisions by next week.  Those are the simple things.

Then comes the design phase.  So many options my head hurts.  Now I know why people pay other people to do this.  To say, "here, this is what you want." Because I can't keep my head on straight.  I start in one direction and then get distracted, go in a whole 'nother direction and it all winds up a mess.

Something will come together soon...I hope! 

Also...If anyone is starting to think about their plans to come down, or over, or up, to get here...remember, airfare NOW is not what it will be in 2 months.  It's too early to book flights for a decent rate, if you're flying.  JetBlue has great airfares direct into Tampa from many major airports and now Alaska Airlines flies direct, non-stop from Seattle!  Can I get a holla!

We're on our way...sorta...

Well, tutoring is coming along. However, I think his "luck" has run out and challenge is now upon him. He's going to actually have to start working at it now - which over summer will be tough. But then again, he's got more time to focus - so no excuses. I'm still a mess - guest list too big, no confirmed location. Though I've got a DJ - I think, so that's a big check on the to do list. There may be no food or beverage, or a place to have it, but by gum, there will be dancing.

Phew...so far.

So week three of tutoring. The good news is, he's going great. The bad news is, he's doing great. The tutor has now seen him with prep, and without, and said she's been at this a long time and couldn't believe how well he's doing either way. I'm proud of him. I'm happy for him. I just KNOW him. And this might work for him now, but when the challenging parts come I'm afraid how he'll handle it. I'd like to think he'll dig in, but more likely, he'll balk. But maybe the challenging parts won't be as challenging as I think. I can't really speak to it since I don't have the experience - and I certainly don't want to presume he's some sort of Hebrew savant. But, well...we'll just have to see, won't we?

An Unexpected Shot To The Heart

A couple of Sundays back, my son's b'nei mitzvah class had a workshop (we've had a few over the course of his studies and I believe we have a few more) that involves at least one parent. These workshops let families work together to discover things about ourselves, our identities, the hows and whys, and explore our choices. This workshop in particular had a section where we divided into two groups - all the parents, and all of the kids. As parents we had choose (and could only choose one option) a reason why we wanted our kids to become bar or bat mitzvah and walk over a designated area. The choices were: "I did it", "I didn't do it", and to be honest, I can't remember the other two options. I stood in the "I didn't do it" section. I didn't go to Religious School of any kind, formally that is. I went a few times with friends to their classes - both Hebrew School and CCD, but those visits were few and far between and none of it really made much sense since my family didn't attend any kind of services regularly. We were secular Jews at best...Jews of convenience, perhaps more aptly put. And we did Christmas as much as Chanukah, Easter as much as Passover...although we never attended church services for the Christian holidays, but did hit the High Holy Days at the synagogue. As we got older, I watched the Catholic kids get confirmed and the Jewish kids get bar or bat mitzvahed...and I just felt...sort of...lost. Not terribly lost - I was happy with my life and never felt like I didn't know enough about faith, nor felt disconnected. I was a very involved and socially active young person maybe more so than many because I didn't have one place I "belonged" to, but just felt myself a part of everything, rather than apart from anything. But there was always this little something nagging at the back of my head. And while of course, the celebrations were admired, the presents were cool...it was never about that. My parents threw me one heck of a Sweet Sixteen, ballgowns, twinkly lights, fancy food and all and I ate it up (and well, most of us do look better in formal wear at 16 than at 13 - so there's that.) But there was this one rib this one kid went after me with when we were about 12 years old, and it's stuck with me all these years..."since you're not getting confirmed, OR bat mitzvahed, you'll never really be a woman." I told him to stuff it and that it was a load of crap. But it did sting. And like I said, it's always stayed with me. Then it was the kids turn. They had to do the same thing - select one option that best fit why they were preparing to become bar or bat mitzvah, but with slightly different options. Theirs were, "I don't know", "My parents are making me", "My older sibling did it", and "I want to do it for myself". This was a slam dunk for me. A smile started to spread across my face as I prepared to see my son confidently stride over to the "I want to do it for myself" section. This was one answer I was sure of. After all, it was he who started this journey for the family. He brought us to the synagogue. He insisted on enrolling in Religious School. We were perfectly happy on our course of relatively secular faith, leaving the eventual choice up to the kids when they became of reasonable age. He was always excited about Passover, and longed to read portions of the seder in Hebrew for years before he could. But the first time I saw him in a synagogue - so rapt, so engaged, so oddly familiar in an unfamiliar setting I knew our secular life was a short one. But it was my smile that was short-lived. As quite a few kids made their way over to the "Because I want to" section, mine hesitated. He stood in the middle and thought about it. Then took the few steps over to the "My parents are making me" group - which had only one other child standing there, who looked as though he was already regretting his choice - honest or not. I couldn't help myself but bark out, "LUCAS!" before he took the final step. The Rabbi quickly intervened and reminded us that this was about honesty with no repercussions. Everyone laughed, including Lucas. Everyone, except me. The other boy, at first looked relieved that he was not alone in his choice. But when he had his chance to voice his opinion, he took one look at his mother and caved. He announced that he was wrong in his decision and should probably move to the group of "I want tos" and sheepishly side-stepped over to the other group. Then came my son. He looked at me, saw my now very angry body language, my arms crossed, my fingers digging into my arms, the dismay on my face. I was speechless. And for a moment so was he. I'll never know what went on it that head exactly. I still don't know if he did it to get a rise out of me, or to single himself out as he is typically wont to do. And honestly, I can't even remember what he said - my brain was just so buzzing with defeat that I could see his lips moving but couldn't make out words. The tears that were reserved for pride now started to brim from sadness. However, I was still impressed that he stuck to his guns about it. I wasn't sure of his honesty or his angle, but you couldn't knock him lack of conviction. The rabbi directed the kids to sit down. I couldn't even look at him. I was so utterly confused by my emotions I phased out for about the next 20 minutes of the workshop. Did I make him do this? Did he feel obligated or compelled to do this out of guilt? Or fear? Am I that overbearing mother that lives through their children? What did I miss? Has he ever told me he didn't want to go to Religious School? Have I been ignoring his needs? Have I been feeding him enough? Did I forget about his vaccinations? Did I sign the paperwork at the hospital after his birth? After the workshop, in the car, I finally said something to him. "So, Lucas...what was up with your choice for why your doing this?" Already I started to panic that I set him up with a defensive question. "Whaddya mean, Mom?" he replied flippantly. "Am I making you do this?" "Do what?" "Lucas, were you not in the same workshop I was?" "Yeeeessss." "So, I seem to recall, it was YOU who wanted us to come visit the temple in the first place." "Yep." "And it was you who said you wanted to go to Religious School and learn Hebrew. "Aaaah - huh, yup." "But I'm the one making you study for bar mitzvah?" "Yup." "Really?" He nodded. The drive home was silent. Parked in our driveway he turned to me and said, "It's not you making me do this. I want to do this." "Then why didn't you say that then? Why did you go to other group?" "I don't know, I just thought it would be funny." "Did you get the reaction you wanted?" "People laughed." "Did I laugh?" He paused, and dropped his gaze, "No." Silence. "I'm sorry, Mom. I really am. I want to do this," he put his hand on my shoulder, "I want to do this together." I'll take it.

Countdown Clocks

In the beginning..

And so it begins...my "baby" begins his bar mitzvah tutoring..oy vey! In less than 9 months, my son, with perseverance and commitment, will become a Bar Mitzvah - which literally translates to "son of the commandment".  A good resource to find out more is right here at Judaism 101.

Lucas, somewhat recently, began this journey formally in 2012.   We attended a bar mitzvah ceremony and celebration of friend's son, and he was immediately captured by the experience.  From the moment he opened a prayer book at the synagogue that morning, he was engaged.  He read from the book, mind you, his first time in a temple - in a formal Jewish setting, as if he had been reading from it his entire life.  He chanted along with the congregation, practically without fumble or confusion.  Not once did he squirm, or deflect his attention - he was enamoured.  At the end of the service, he leaned over to me and said, "I want to do this."

Now mind you, my son hasn't been all that much of a go-getter.  He's extremely bright, quite musical and mathematical, has a healthy fondness for reading and a great attraction to all things video game related, no matter the platform.  He's done some sports...never quite finding one, other than golf, that he's wanted to try again.  Not really a team player, nor even particularly competitive, but he knows what he likes and what he doesn't.  He's always been very clear on that.  But finding things he likes has always been woefully sporadic.  So when I hear him say, "I want to..." I can't let too much time lapse...that window of opportunity is brief.

Prior to this experience, his exposure to Judaism had been through holiday celebrations - typical of many interfaith families, and not surprising considering his family's lack of penchant for formal, organized religion.  His top three holidays involving any type of religious aspect - Christmas (big surprise), Chanukah (can you see a trend?) and Passover.   Do you see one that doesn't "fit"?

I think he was about 7 the first time he got to actively participate in the Passover seder.  We would go to my grandmother's country club, and partake in an intimate dinner for 700.  Three different rooms with three different rabbis leading the services, each one moving through the haggadahs at a similarly slow pace, as the average age in the rooms was about 70.  Sometimes, the rabbi's will select children beforehand and assign them English and/or Hebrew readings depending on who was available.  That year, Lucas took the initiative to be sure he was picked.  There weren't a lot of kids present, and he couldn't speak Hebrew, so he was tasked with reading all four of the 4 questions.  I wasn't sure how it would go, but he was excited so what's a mother to do?

When it came time for him to read, the rabbi signaled for the kids to come up to the front, and Lucas wound his way through the hundreds of chairs, just barely keeping his head above the chair backs.  The four kids who could read Hebrew lined up in front of a standing microphone, and Lucas was handed a portable mic.  I looked at my grandmother.  I bit my lip.  I think I may have even closed my eyes for a second...until he began to speak.  He read the heck out of those questions, again, like as if he had read them aloud for decades, much less a year or two, pausing between them to allow the Hebrew readers to speak their parts.  The rabbi didn't direct him, or have to slow him down, or hold him back. It was unbelievably natural for him to be doing this, in front of hundreds of strangers no less.  I had never been prouder.  And yes, verklempt would be the state I was in during the entire reading.

I had a feeling he was on to something...more to come...